How will you celebrate your success? Healthy ways to reward yourself. 6 28 23 CH6.3c #HealthyRewards #PositiveReinforcement #EmotionalFitness #EmotionalMastery

For my entire life I have used a mixture of helpful and hurtful rewards and punishments. Up until fairly recently most of my choices about how to reward or punish myself we’re not particularly well thought through, at least not consciously.

When I listen or read about David Goggins’s life there are many aspects that seem much too harsh and extreme for me or most of the people that I know. That does not mean his methods are not perfect for him. In fact, he seems strikingly healthy and fit in every measurable way to me. When I use cake and ice cream or cookies as a reward for not eating too many cookies the day before, clearly getting in my own way. Rewards are an area where many of us self-sabotage and I would say in something of a superstar at self-sabotage in my life so far.

When I take the time to reflect on my daily habits and how they serve or sabotage my personal goals I find some things relatively easy to change, all other things seem more deeply rooted. I have come to understand these are often subconscious beliefs, trauma from childhood, and potentially even generational or societal trauma. In all these cases, once I become self-aware of a self-sabotagingpattern, I decide to change it, then it’s just a matter of choosing a tool that seems most appropriate practicing using it and tracking my success. If I don’t see Improvement after what seems like a reasonable amount of time, then I will try something else or make a subtle pivot or some change in the way that I’m practicing.

One of my favorite ways to reward myself for positive progress is to go to the mountains or a lake. In fact I have my kayaks loaded in my van right now and as soon as I finish this the rough draft of this chapter I’m going to go enjoy a sunset paddle at cochiti Lake. I will dissipate excess stagnant energy on the ground and in the water. I will gaze at the sky and the clouds in the mountains all around. Often Just Before Sunset the wind dies down and the lake get super glassy. There are many birds that live in the trees along around the lake and most of them come home to roost in the trees before dark so it gets extra noisy with birds. The insects get worse in those conditions as well which leads to lots of fish jumping or sometimes big mouth bass swimming along the surface with their mouths open.

Another of my favorite ways to reinforce positive change is by making and keeping an artist date with myself once a week. I actually haven’t been keeping up with this commitment to myself very well lately and instead of eating myself up about it i’m going to make sure that I make an artist date with myself this Friday.

Some other ways that you might like to try to reward yourself or reinforce positive changes that you make as you progress on your emotional fitness journey include learning something new taking a little mini getaway or Retreat sort of like I do at the lake only you could make it longer like a whole weekend or even a week if you have that kind of time or just even shorter like trip to a massage spa or getting your nails done or getting a haircut you could treat yourself to something you love like a new book or a piece of clothing or a special meal at your favorite restaurant or something small like jewelry or something with sentimental value you could engage an extra physical activity again this is one of my favorites and I often use snowboarding and kayaking as rewards and incentives for myself. Enjoying quality time with loved ones and treating yourself to special self-care one of my favorites is lying out in the sun it’s free and easy and accessible as long as the sun is shining which is over 300 days a year here in Albuquerque New Mexico.

c​hatgpt edit:

Throughout my life, I’ve employed a mix of helpful and harmful rewards and punishments. However, I’ve come to realize that many of my choices in this regard were not well thought out, especially on a conscious level.

When I delve into David Goggins’s life story, I find some aspects that appear too extreme or harsh for me and the people I know. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that his methods suit him perfectly. In fact, he impresses me with his remarkable health and fitness in every aspect. On a personal note, using cake, ice cream, or cookies as a reward for not indulging in too many cookies the day before is clearly counterproductive. Rewards often become a breeding ground for self-sabotage, and I have been somewhat of a self-sabotage superstar in my own life thus far.

Reflecting on my daily habits and how they either serve or sabotage my personal goals, I find certain things easier to change while others seem deeply ingrained. I’ve learned that these challenges often stem from subconscious beliefs, childhood traumas, and potentially even generational or societal traumas. Once I become aware of a self-sabotaging pattern, I make the decision to change it. From there, it’s simply a matter of selecting an appropriate tool, practicing its use, and tracking my progress. If I don’t see improvement after a reasonable amount of time, I’m open to trying something new or making subtle adjustments to my approach.

One of my favorite ways to reward myself for positive progress is to spend time in the mountains or by a lake. As a matter of fact, I currently have my kayaks loaded in my van, and after completing this rough draft of the chapter, I plan to enjoy a sunset paddle at Cochiti Lake. There, I can release any excess stagnant energy on the ground and in the water, while immersing myself in the awe-inspiring scenery. Just before sunset, the wind tends to calm, and the lake becomes incredibly calm and reflective. The surrounding trees host a variety of birds, which create a melodious cacophony before settling in for the night. While the insects may become bothersome, the sight of fish leaping out of the water or bass gliding along the surface with their mouths agape brings a sense of wonder.

Another way I reinforce positive change is by setting aside an artist date with myself once a week. Admittedly, I haven’t been consistent with this commitment lately, but rather than berating myself, I plan to make an artist date with myself this coming Friday.

If you’re looking for other ways to reward yourself and reinforce positive changes on your emotional fitness journey, consider learning something new, taking a short retreat or getaway (similar to my lake outings), or treating yourself to a massage, spa session, or pampering activity like getting your nails done or a fresh haircut. You could indulge in something you love, such as a new book, a special meal at your favorite restaurant, or a small item of sentimental value. Engaging in physical activities that bring you joy is also highly recommended—I personally find snowboarding and kayaking to be rewarding and incentivizing. Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of quality time with loved ones and the rejuvenation that comes from self-care. For me, basking in the sun is a favorite self-care activity that is both free and easily accessible, considering the abundance of sunshine we have here in Albuquerque, New Mexico (over 300 days a year).

Remember, finding rewards that resonate with you and contribute positively to your emotional well-being is key. By incorporating these healthy rewards into your journey, you can further motivate yourself and celebrate the positive changes you make along the way.

How To Shift Negative Patterns To Positives? #NewPatterns #Shift #Flip 6 28 23 CH6.3b

Again, it’s important to stress that when you recognize a negative pattern or realize something isn’t working, if you use that to chastise yourself or is a reason for shame, you will be getting in your own way of progress and healing. Instead, congratulate yourself anytime that you realize you’re caught in a trauma-loop or engaged in negative or self-defeating thoughts or behaviors. Becoming self-aware and beginning to identify what is not working might be the hardest and most important step to becoming emotionally fit. The art of Being emotionally fit, just like fitness in other areas of your life, will require your ongoing participation and presence.

One of my favorite tools to use when I realize that I am engaged in negative thinking for example, is first of all to try to flip the switch, speak, and mentally sort of rebound from that thought to some form of its opposite. For example if I catch myself thinking that my mother doesn’t really understand me and therefore has never loved me, I can check myself internally, going that isn’t the whole truth or nothing but the truth or even very true at all,. Or if I noticed that I’m getting emotionally dysregulated from watching a certain show on YouTube, I can use that as a reminder to go outside or to watch some comedy or something more uplifting.

c​hat gpt edit w adins

It’s crucial to emphasize that when you recognize a negative pattern or realize something isn’t working, it’s counterproductive to chastise yourself or feel shame. Instead, celebrate the fact that you are becoming aware of these patterns and thoughts, as it is a significant step towards progress and healing. Developing self-awareness and identifying what isn’t serving you is often the hardest yet most crucial step in achieving emotional fitness.

Just like fitness in other areas of life, emotional fitness requires ongoing participation and presence. It involves implementing various tools and techniques that can help transform negative thinking and behaviors into more positive ones. For instance, one effective tool I personally find useful is “flipping the switch.” When I catch myself engaging in negative thinking, I make a conscious effort to mentally rebound and shift towards the opposite perspective. For example, if I realize that I’m thinking my mother doesn’t understand or love me, I remind myself that this thought is not entirely true or accurate. Similarly, if I notice that a certain YouTube show is triggering emotional dysregulation, I take it as a cue to redirect my attention outside or watch something more uplifting or comedic.

In addition to flipping the switch, there are several other tools and techniques that people use to change negative patterns and cultivate emotional fitness and wellness. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps challenge and reframe negative thoughts and behaviors. Mindfulness and meditation cultivate present-moment awareness and enable conscious choices. Positive affirmations rewire subconscious beliefs. Emotional regulation techniques such as deep breathing and visualization promote calmness. Gratitude practices shift perspectives from negativity to positivity. Behavior tracking and self-reflection provide insights for improvement. Social support and accountability foster encouragement and guidance.

Remember, the journey towards emotional fitness is unique to each individual, and it may require experimentation to discover the tools that resonate best with your needs and preferences. By embracing self-awareness and actively participating in your emotional well-being, you can transform negative patterns and experience personal growth and healing.

David Goggins is an exceptional individual known for his incredible mental and physical resilience. He has faced numerous adversities throughout his life and has successfully shifted negative patterns to cultivate a positive mindset. Goggins’ story is a testament to the power of determination and self-transformation.

Goggins grew up in an abusive household and faced racial discrimination and learning disabilities. As a young adult, he struggled with obesity, weighing over 300 pounds. However, he decided to take control of his life and embarked on a remarkable journey of self-improvement.

One of the methods Goggins used to shift from negativity to positivity is through extreme challenges and pushing his limits. He embraced a rigorous training regimen and became an ultra-endurance athlete, completing grueling races like the Badwater Ultramarathon and the Navy SEAL Hell Week.

Through his intense physical challenges, Goggins learned to confront and overcome his inner demons. He believed that by pushing himself to the absolute edge of his capabilities, he could break free from the negative patterns that held him back. By embracing discomfort and persevering through pain, he discovered inner strength and resilience.

Goggins also emphasizes the power of self-talk and positive affirmations. He developed a mindset of relentless self-encouragement, continuously reminding himself of his potential and refusing to let negative thoughts dominate his mind. Goggins believes that by rewiring our inner dialogue and focusing on positive self-talk, we can overcome self-doubt and limitations.

Furthermore, Goggins advocates for taking ownership of one’s life and embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth. He encourages individuals to step out of their comfort zones and embrace challenges as opportunities for personal development. By facing adversity head-on and embracing discomfort, Goggins believes we can transform ourselves and achieve greatness.

David Goggins’ story showcases the power of determination, mental resilience, and a shift in mindset to overcome negative patterns and achieve personal transformation. His methods of extreme challenges, positive self-talk, and embracing discomfort serve as inspiration for those seeking to cultivate a positive mindset and achieve their full potential.

Developing Your Unique System. What will you do? CH6.3a #EmotionalFitness #Drafting #EmotionalMastery #SaveYourSelf

It’s easy to listen to success stories especially about famous people or even look at the people around you that you know that seem successful and to assume that their systems or strategies will work for you. And indeed this is an excellent excellent starting point. However, in the long run it’s important to develop your own unique system that works best with your Unique Style, your unique past experiences and traumas, and your unique future desires.

The tools presented in this book are tools that have helped many people including myself. I don’t use all of them all the time. I do find that the more regularly I use these tools, more natural it becomes. And as I see the daily practices that I use; yoga, belonging locks, bouncing and shaking, grounding, journaling, expressing gratitude, exploring fears and resentments with a positive attitude or as much growth mindset as I can muster; having a positive effect in my life and on my ability to maintain a more positive attitude, it becomes a self-reinforcing positive feedback loop.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that the best exercise is the one you will do. This is true of the exercises you choose to use for your emotional Fitness just as much as it is true of the exercises you use for fitness and other areas of your life. The reason that tracking your progress can be beneficial is not just to help motivate you with that positive feedback, but also to help show you areas where you’re not progressing so you can consider making a change. So even though when you start to create your own unique program doing anything is better than doing nothing, or at the very least you need to do both something and nothing so that you can collect data and compare two sets. Over time you’ll do best if you replace the things that don’t seem to work very well for you with new things and then keep the things that work better.

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It is common to listen to success stories, especially those involving famous individuals, or observe successful people around us and assume that their systems or strategies will work for us as well. While this can serve as an excellent starting point, it is important to develop our own unique system that aligns with our individual style, past experiences, traumas, and future aspirations.

The tools presented in this book have proven helpful to many, including myself. I don’t use all of them consistently, but I have noticed that the more regularly I incorporate these tools into my routine, the more natural it becomes. As I observe the positive effects of daily practices such as yoga, grounding exercises, journaling, gratitude expression, and exploring fears and resentments with a growth mindset, it creates a self-reinforcing positive feedback loop in my life. It contributes to maintaining a more positive attitude overall.

You may have heard the saying that the best exercise is the one you will do. This applies to the exercises we choose for our emotional fitness just as it does for physical fitness and other areas of life. Tracking your progress can be beneficial not only for motivation through positive feedback but also for identifying areas where you may not be progressing as desired, prompting you to consider making changes. Therefore, when creating your unique emotional fitness program, even starting with small steps is better than doing nothing. It is crucial to collect data and compare different approaches. Over time, you will achieve the best results by replacing strategies that don’t work well for you with new ones while keeping those that prove more effective.

Story:

Sarah had always been inspired by the success stories of famous individuals and their strategies for personal growth. She eagerly tried implementing these methods, hoping for similar results. However, as time went on, she realized that certain practices didn’t resonate with her or didn’t produce the desired outcomes.

Reflecting on her unique style, past experiences, and future desires, Sarah decided to create her own personalized emotional fitness program. She experimented with various tools, such as journaling, mindfulness exercises, and seeking feedback from mentors. By tracking her progress and consistently updating her practices, she discovered what worked best for her.

One day, Sarah came across a book that emphasized the importance of incorporating dance into one’s emotional well-being. Intrigued, she decided to give it a try. To her surprise, dancing became a transformative experience for her, allowing her to express herself and release pent-up emotions. It quickly became a central part of her emotional fitness routine.

By continually updating her program and letting go of strategies that didn’t align with her needs, Sarah witnessed remarkable improvements in her emotional well-being. She became more self-aware, resilient, and fulfilled. Sarah’s journey exemplified the power of creating a unique and ever-evolving emotional fitness program tailored to one’s individuality and growth.

What is the best way to reinforce your new habits? Using charts and tracking progress… 6 28 23 6.3 #Reinforcement #Habits #Tracking #Charts #Rewards

Successful individuals often track and chart their successes and failures in whatever they are endeavoring to improve and your emotional Fitness is no different. It’s best to develop your own personalized system for tracking and monitoring your progress in whatever various aspects of life you are consciously making improvements. The message you use will obviously very depending on your individual preferences and goals however there are some common practices that are used by many. This can be a good starting point for you to adapt to your own individual style and needs. Journaling is one of the most popular ways that people use to help keep track of successes and failures. I have used journaling myself throughout almost my entire life. Many highly successful individuals such as Oprah Winfrey have emphasized the power of journaling writing in a journal can help you express your thoughts and feelings and experiences and serve as a form of self-reflection way to process your emotions in a healthy and safe space. Journaling can also provide valuable insights into patterns triggers and progress over time. In my journal I keep track of some specific things like my weight and any chronic pain issues that I’m working on or anything else significant that I want to keep track of on the top of my morning pages so that I can go back and find them easily.

Another tool that many people use is visualization or goal setting with an imagination aspect. Hi many high Achievers use visualization and goal setting practices. When you set clear specific goals and regularly visualize yourself achieving these goals this can greatly increase the odds that you will achieve them. When it comes to being emotionally fit spending some time imagining yourself as emotionally fit, times in your day when you felt calm and regulated or imagining yourself feeling calm and regulated in during future events can be a great way to improve your overall emotional Fitness. Many people create vision boards or use other visualization exercises to help them stay focused motivated and to track their progress toward desired outcomes.

Another common practice is a daily gratitude or Daily Reflection practice. This can be as simple as listing three things you’re grateful for or even one thing you’re grateful for every day or it can be taking a few minutes at a specific time everyday like in the morning or before bed to reflect on your own emotional well-being girls. It might be helpful to reflect on your accomplishments or on your challenges. You can reflect on what lessons you’ve learned from challenges as well as Express gratitude for positive aspects of your experiences. Gratitude and reflection practices can help you cultivate mindfulness, maintain healthy perspective, and enhance your emotional resilience.

Seeking feedback from trusted individuals or mentors and conducted conducting your own self-assessment regularly is another way that you can identify areas for improvement and track your progress. When you reflect on your strengths and weaknesses it can become clear what specific areas you want to set goals to work on. Most successful individuals develop a personalized approach based on their own unique needs and experiences and individual Style. A few people worth noting are Rob Dyrdek oprah Winfrey and jerry Seinfeld.

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Successful individuals understand the importance of tracking and charting their progress in order to improve, and this applies to emotional fitness as well. It is crucial to develop a personalized tracking system that suits your preferences and goals. While the specifics may vary, there are common practices that can serve as a starting point for you to adapt to your own needs.

Journaling is a popular method used by many to track successes and failures. Writing in a journal allows for self-expression, self-reflection, and emotional processing. It provides insights into patterns, triggers, and progress over time. Personally, I have used journaling throughout my life, keeping track of various things like weight, chronic pain issues, and significant events.

Visualization and goal setting are tools employed by high achievers. By setting clear and specific goals and regularly visualizing oneself achieving them, the likelihood of success increases. In terms of emotional fitness, imagining yourself as emotionally fit or envisioning calm and regulation during future events can greatly enhance overall well-being. Vision boards and other visualization exercises help maintain focus, motivation, and track progress towards desired outcomes.

Daily gratitude and reflection practices are common as well. It can be as simple as listing one or three things you’re grateful for each day or dedicating a few minutes in the morning or before bed to reflect on your emotional well-being and accomplishments. This cultivates mindfulness, perspective, and emotional resilience.

Seeking feedback from trusted individuals or mentors and conducting self-assessments are valuable in identifying areas for improvement and tracking progress. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses allows you to set specific goals for growth. Successful individuals, such as Rob Dyrdek, Oprah Winfrey, and Jerry Seinfeld, have developed personalized approaches based on their unique needs, experiences, and styles.

By implementing these tracking and charting methods, you can enhance your emotional fitness and achieve personal growth. Remember to tailor them to your own preferences and goals, as everyone’s journey is unique.

Who cares what you do? 6 28 23 Ch6.2 #Accountability #Authenticity #RadicalHonesty #EmotionalFitness #EmotionalMastery

Any good fitness program must include an aspect or element of accountability. Being authentic and using radical honesty doesn’t always come easily especially in our modern society. In order to truly be emotionally fit, it’s important to hold ourselves accountable to the goals we set for ourselves and evaluate ways we can improve regularly. Of course, our accountability is to ourself. However I have found public accountability and the use of accountability Partnerships extremely helpful in my own Wellness Journey.

Being radically honest with yourself and your accountability partners might be more difficult than you think and it’s crucial for your healing and wellness. Radical honesty involves letting go of our masks, digging under our superficial presentations, and being willing to be vulnerable with ourselves and with others. Being vulnerable, especially in front of someone else, but even sometimes in front of ourselves, can be scary, but it can also be very freeing.

If you’ve been lying to yourself and others for a long time you might not even be aware when you’re doing it. The process of becoming more honest usually involves more than one epiphany and correction. Admitting that we’ve been lying, difficult to admit at first, the first necessary step to getting to the truth. If you sit down with the intention of being honest with yourself and ask yourself some fundamental questions you could find yourself overwhelmed or confused if you realize the identity that you’ve conjured up is inauthentic.

If you’ve ever caught yourself lying to someone else and stopped in mid story and admitted that you were lying, you will know how terrifying this can be at first, and again how freeing it is. You can instantly snap yourself back to reality and your authentic self by admitting anytime you realize you’re being dishonest. This will get easier and less frequent with practice!

In my experience, the few people I’ve met who think they are always honest with themselves seem to be delusional. Whether you think you are honest with yourself or not, it is also a good idea to pay attention to the way other people seem to perceive you. It may be helpful to ask someone close to you if they think you are authentic and honest, and then listen to what they say.

Again, this is a process, not a destination. While we can become more authentic and radically honest, and hold ourselves to a standard of always doing our best to be that way, there will be times when we do fool ourselves about our own intentions and underlying motivations. This is another reason it is so important to do the ‘deep inner work’ of coming to a more mature understanding of previous traumas and really examine the stories we are telling ourselves about ourselves.

It can be a bit of a tricky thing to set an intention to improve while still being very honest radically honest about our shortcomings or the areas that we want to improve. It’s important not to use our honest assessments as fuel for self-criticism or shame. In fact, if you can remember to give yourself a mental pat on the back anytime you realize you’re being dishonest your brain will be much more likely to help you recognize dishonest patterns or trains of conversation in the future.

add: In the same way that forgiveness is more for yourself than for the person you are forgiving, honesty is ultimately most important to you or more important to you than to anyone else that you might be lying to. Even if you think that lying is in your best interest, over time lying erodes your personal integrity and damages your trust with yourself as well as your reliability with others. If you have been dishonest with yourself a lot in the past it will likely take some time to regain your own Trust. With practice and consistency, and by gently calling yourself out anytime you realize you’re being dishonest or deceptive you can build a strong sense of integrity. Having personal integrity will help you manage your emotions more smoothly. Many times we experience chaotic or dysregulated feeling emotions when we are not acting authentically or with integrity.

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In any comprehensive fitness program, accountability becomes an essential component. Authenticity and radical honesty are not always easily achieved, particularly in our modern society. To truly achieve emotional fitness, it is crucial to hold ourselves accountable to the goals we set and regularly assess how we can improve. While accountability primarily lies within ourselves, I have personally discovered the immense value of public accountability and accountability partnerships on my own wellness journey.

Being radically honest with oneself and with accountability partners may prove more challenging than anticipated, yet it is vital for healing and overall well-being. Radical honesty entails shedding our masks, delving beneath superficial presentations, and embracing vulnerability with ourselves and others. The act of vulnerability, even when it involves self-reflection, can be intimidating, but it also brings tremendous liberation.

If we have been deceiving ourselves and others for a prolonged period, we may not even realize when we are doing so. The process of becoming more honest often necessitates multiple realizations and corrections. Initially, admitting that we have been dishonest is a difficult step but an essential one towards reaching the truth. When we genuinely strive to be honest with ourselves, sitting down and asking fundamental questions can sometimes leave us feeling overwhelmed or confused, especially if we discover that the identity we have constructed is inauthentic.

If you have ever caught yourself in a lie and abruptly stopped mid-story to admit your dishonesty, you are familiar with the initial terror it brings, as well as the subsequent sense of liberation. By acknowledging our dishonesty whenever we realize it, we can instantly reconnect with reality and our authentic selves. With practice, this process becomes easier and occurs less frequently.

In my experience, individuals who believe they are always honest with themselves often exhibit signs of delusion. Regardless of our perception of our own honesty, it is wise to pay attention to how others perceive us. Seeking input from someone close and inquiring about their perception of our authenticity and honesty can prove valuable, provided we are open to listening.

Again, it is essential to remember that this is a process rather than a destination. Although we can become more authentic and radically honest, and strive to consistently be that way, there will be moments when we deceive ourselves regarding our intentions and underlying motivations. This underscores the importance of engaging in the “deep inner work” to develop a mature understanding of past traumas and critically examine the narratives we construct about ourselves.

Striking a balance between setting intentions for improvement and maintaining radical honesty about our shortcomings can be challenging. It is crucial not to employ our honest assessments as ammunition for self-criticism or shame. In fact, if we can train ourselves to acknowledge and reward our honesty, our brain will be more likely to help us recognize patterns of dishonesty or misleading conversations in the future.

I hope this revised passage aligns well with the rest of your book on emotional fitness. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!

added:

Similar to how forgiveness benefits oneself more than the person being forgiven, honesty holds utmost importance for your own well-being, surpassing its significance for anyone you may be deceiving. Even if you believe that lying serves your immediate interests, the act of lying gradually erodes your personal integrity and undermines both your self-trust and trustworthiness with others. If you have frequently been dishonest with yourself in the past, rebuilding your self-trust may require time and patience. However, through consistent practice and by gently acknowledging instances of dishonesty or deception, you can cultivate a strong sense of integrity. Possessing personal integrity plays a vital role in managing your emotions effectively. Oftentimes, we find ourselves experiencing tumultuous or dysregulated emotions when our actions are incongruent with our authentic selves or lack integrity.

What (da fu) are you waiting for? Starting is the hardest part. Don’t worry, you will begin again and again and again. Start Now! 6 26 23 CHAPTER 6.1c

So here we are. You have established that your limiting beliefs can be useful, and also, full of shit. You have remembered you are worthy of your own love, and that your body has everything it needs to live a healthy, complete, fulfilled, dynamic, (unicorn superhero?) life of whatever sort you desire.

L​et’s get to building your tool kit! This is a work in progress. It never ends and you can’t get it wrong. You can waste a lot of time though, so, let’s fucking START. No plan survives first contact, which is to say, there is not point in perfecting your plans before you start, because they will quickly become obviously in need of adjustment. You WILL fuck up, fail, make mistakes (beautiful and ugly ones), and feel foolish sometimes.

B​uck the fuck up, buttercup. I mean, what are the alternatives again. Come on. ‘Get some’. Life is incredible, and how much of it you enjoy is completely on you, especially if you live in the ‘western world’ at least, for now…which reminds me–this shit is ALL MADE UP. Make your story make good sense to you. If it doesn’t feel good, change. That’s it. You WILL get some things ‘wrong’. How fucking boring and lame would it be if there was no challenge, nothing to figure out, no puzzle?

H​owever much time you have on this planet, in this life, it for sure a very tiny speck of time. Make the most of it!

O​f course, life feels like the ultimate high stakes game, but really, if you think about it, no one makes it out alive. We all get the same framework to live and die in, together. What you make of it is up to you.

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Here we are, at a pivotal moment in your journey. You have come to recognize that your limiting beliefs can be both useful and full of shit. You have reclaimed your worthiness of self-love and realized that your body possesses everything it needs to lead a healthy, fulfilling, and dynamic life—one that aligns with your desires. These realizations mark the foundation upon which we will build your emotional fitness toolkit.

Building this toolkit is an ongoing process—a work in progress that never truly ends. You cannot get it wrong, but you can certainly waste a significant amount of time if you don’t take action. So, let’s fucking START. Remember, no plan survives first contact. Perfection is not necessary before you begin because as you take those initial steps, it becomes apparent that adjustments are needed. Along the way, you will stumble, fail, make mistakes—some beautiful, some ugly—and at times, you may even feel foolish.

But don’t be discouraged, my friend. It’s time to buck the fuck up, buttercup. Consider the alternatives—what are they? Life is an incredible gift, and the extent to which you enjoy it rests entirely on your shoulders, especially if you reside in the Western world, at least for now. Remember, this whole construct—the rules, norms, and expectations—is entirely made up. Craft a story that makes good sense to you. If it doesn’t feel good, change it. That’s all there is to it. Along the way, you will undoubtedly make mistakes. Yet, how dull and uninspiring would life be without challenges to conquer, things to figure out, and puzzles to solve?

No matter how much time you have on this planet, in this life, it remains but a minuscule speck of time. Embrace the brevity and make the most of every precious moment.

Yes, life often feels like an intense, high-stakes game. However, if you take a step back and truly contemplate it, we all share the same fate. None of us make it out alive. We are united in this framework of life and death. What truly matters is what you choose to make of it. How you navigate this journey, the meaning you create, and the impact you have—those aspects are entirely within your control.

Emotional fitness is not just about existing—it’s about thriving, growing, and living authentically. It’s about harnessing your inner strength, embracing vulnerability, and cultivating resilience. In the pages that follow, we will explore various tools, techniques, and insights to support your emotional well-being. Together, we will uncover the power within you to transform challenges into opportunities and create a life that is meaningful, vibrant, and true to who you are.

So, let’s dive in, shall we? Your emotional fitness journey awaits, and the possibilities are boundless.

Are you chasing field mice? Playing the right size… 6 26 23 CHAPTER 6.1b #JustRight

A​ question I heard recently and pondered a while was–if you are a lion, are you chasing field mice, or are you chasing gazelles? (Tim Ferriss–what’s up Tim? I’m coming for you, my fellow conversationalist, podcaster, and yet unmet friend).

A​s in Goldie Locks and the Three Bears illustrates, there is a sweet spot somewhere between playing too large, or too far outside your comfort zone, and playing too small, or chasing field mice, when you would be better off spending your energy hunting gazelles.

W​hat is perfect for you is definitely NOT going to be exactly the same as what is perfect for anyone else, and that is beautiful. Also, what is perfect for you when you are three, thirteen, thirty-three, and ninety-seven is naturally going to change. That is equally beautiful. If you can really appreciate what a perfect thing it is that there is so much diversity, then you can let go of comparing yourself to anyone else in any negative or self-deprivating way. It is only useful to use comparison to inspire, motivate, and honestly evaluate ourselves by our own consciously and value-aligned, chosen standards.

I​n other words, the analogy of being a lion, and chasing gazelles or field mice holds a lot of nuance that we can use. First of all, if you are a lion, and in this analogy you are, then eat what you like. If field mice is your thing, and/or there happens to be a plethora of them, well you might even be doing the entire animal kingdom a favor by filling your immense golden soft but tough and sturdy-furred belly with a thousand or two. Secondly, and probably lastly, follow your cat instincts queen, you know what to do.

(​come on girl step the FUCK UP on this one and all the rest. Rhaaor!)

chat gpt

One thought-provoking question that recently caught my attention was: “If you are a lion, are you chasing field mice or are you chasing gazelles?” (Hey there, Tim Ferriss! Shoutout to you, my fellow conversationalist, podcaster, and yet unmet friend.)

As exemplified in the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, there exists a sweet spot between playing too large, far outside our comfort zone, and playing too small, akin to chasing field mice. Instead, we should direct our energy towards hunting gazelles, where we can make the most of our efforts.

It’s important to acknowledge that what is perfect for us will not be the same as what is perfect for others, and that’s what makes it beautiful. Furthermore, our definition of perfection will naturally evolve as we journey through different stages of life—whether we’re three, thirteen, thirty-three, or ninety-seven. Embracing this diversity allows us to release the need for negative self-comparisons or self-deprivation. Instead, we can employ comparison as a tool for inspiration, motivation, and honest self-evaluation based on our consciously chosen standards aligned with our values.

In essence, the analogy of being a lion and the pursuit of gazelles or field mice holds profound meaning that we can utilize. Firstly, as a lion, it’s essential to eat what resonates with us. If field mice are our preference, and there happens to be an abundance of them, we might even contribute to the balance of the animal kingdom by satisfying our immense appetite with a thousand or two. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, let’s trust our feline instincts and embrace our inner queens—we inherently know what we should be doing.

(And hey, girl, it’s time to step up and conquer this challenge, along with all the others. Roar!)

How perfect is your imperfection? #PrettyPerfect 6 26 23 CHAPTER 6.1a

M​y my calculations, your imperfections are exactly 100-88% perfect. Actually, that’s just an estimate, but an educated one, and one you probably can’t prove wrong. Of course, perfection is in the eye of the beholder, or a matter of semantics, so let’s start by establishing a working definition.

Oxford says “perfection is–the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.”

Merriam gives us: the quality or state of being perfect: such as

a : freedom from fault or defect : FLAWLESSNESS

b : MATURITY

c : the quality or state of being saintly

2 a : an exemplification of supreme excellence

b : an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence

3 : the act or process of perfecting

U​ltimately, no one else’s opinion of you matters more than your opinion of your self, so I will leave it to you to decide how perfect or imperfect the details of your life have been and are. I will also pose that regardless of whether you choose to view it all as perfect, for it brought you to this point in your life as the person you are, or whether you see many choices or steps you perceive to be mistakes, it will not serve you well to dwell on feelings of regret.

I​ purpose we use the definition of “the process of perfecting”, so that we can embrace a growth mindset and delight in the process of progress. Rather than problems, we can approach life’s challenges as puzzles, and delight in the challenge of solving them.

M​y favorite tools to bring to every situation, or perhaps the (5C) special sauce I put on every other tool if I can, are curiosity, courage, comedy, confidence, and compassion.

I​f we see perfection as a process of perfecting, rather than as a destination (which would only mean we have reached the end of one journey and so now need to begin again), we are likely to enjoy our lives much more than we will if we make doing things perfectly, or getting things 100% right 100% of the time a goal. Unless we anchor our self-worth in the process, and measure our success by the level of emotional and physical and relational wellness or health we feel, we can end up missing much of the opportunity for joy and connection in our lives.

Chat gpt

By my calculations, your imperfections are approximately 100-88% perfect. Well, that’s just an estimate, but an educated one that you probably can’t prove wrong. However, perfection is subjective, a matter of semantics, so let’s establish a working definition.

According to Oxford, “perfection is the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.” Merriam provides us with several interpretations, such as freedom from fault or defect, maturity, and the act or process of perfecting.

Ultimately, your opinion of yourself matters more than anyone else’s. You get to decide how perfect or imperfect the details of your life have been and are. Regardless of whether you view it all as perfect, acknowledging that it brought you to this point in your life as the person you are, or if you perceive many choices as mistakes, dwelling on regret will not serve you well.

Instead, let’s adopt the definition of “the process of perfecting.” This allows us to embrace a growth mindset and find joy in the journey of progress. Rather than seeing problems, we can approach life’s challenges as puzzles and take pleasure in solving them.

My favorite tools to bring to every situation, or perhaps the (5C) special sauce I apply to other tools, are curiosity, courage, comedy, confidence, and compassion.

If we see perfection as an ongoing process of perfecting, rather than as a destination where we’ve reached the end of one journey and must begin again, we are more likely to enjoy our lives. Making perfection or getting things right all the time a goal can cause us to miss out on the opportunities for joy and connection in our lives. Instead, let’s anchor our self-worth in the process and measure our success by the level of emotional, physical, and relational wellness we experience.

How will I know I am doing it? The proof pudding 6 26 23 CHAPTER 6 #ProofPudding

M​any of us are programmed to tell ourselves all sorts of lies about how we are really doing. Our current culture in ‘the west’ is in collective denial about our state of disease. If you want to really learn to love yourself and take control of your own life, it is important to get an accurate read, or undistorted picture of how you are really doing. The proof as they say, is in the pudding. In this metaphor, the pudding is your body, your relationships, your internal dialogue, and your life.

T​he next time you get out of the shower or bath, take a few minutes to really look at your body in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. What do you see there? Look at every inch of your body. Notice what parts you don’t want to look at, what parts spark emotional response in you. What parts do you feel good about? What parts do you feel bad about? Why do you think that is?

Y​our body, your one and only most faithful consort for this life, carries the evidence of every choice we make. Our relationships and the other details of your life hold real clues too. There is no shame in whatever the details of those are, but there are clues in the areas you don’t like to look at. These are the areas you have the greatest opportunity to improve.

R​emember, the first step to making any positive change is to realize that you want to make a change, what change you want to make, and WHY. This is where loving your self, and your own potential, the exploration of your own fullest potential is crucial. After all, you are the only you there is, or is ever going to be, so if you don’t fully blossom into your best potential, then the entire Universe misses out on seeing what that could be.

E​ven though the nuanced details of our physical bodies and lives are an obvious reflection of our beliefs and actions from the outside, it is very common for us to have a skewed perception of ourselves on the inside. Body dis morphia is increasingly prevalent as I write this in fact, as the effects of social media and filters and distilled content take hold on all of us. Our bodies might not lie, but our eyes and the stories that we tell ourselves about what we see, definitely do.

chat gpt edit

Many of us are accustomed to deceiving ourselves with various falsehoods about our true state. In our current Western culture, there exists a collective denial regarding our overall state of illness. If you genuinely desire to learn how to love yourself and gain control of your life, it is crucial to obtain an accurate and undistorted assessment of your true condition. As the saying goes, the proof is in the pudding.

In this metaphor, the “pudding” represents your body, relationships, internal dialogue, and life as a whole. The next time you finish showering or bathing, take a few moments to genuinely observe your body in the mirror. Look deep into your own eyes. What do you perceive? Examine every inch of your body. Pay attention to the parts you may avoid looking at and the areas that trigger emotional responses within you. Consider which aspects make you feel good and which ones make you feel bad. Contemplate the reasons behind these emotions.

Your body, your one and only faithful companion throughout this lifetime, bears the evidence of every choice you make. Additionally, your relationships and other aspects of your life offer valuable clues. There is no shame in acknowledging the details of your circumstances, but there are significant insights to be gained from examining the areas you tend to avoid. These neglected areas present the greatest opportunities for improvement.

Remember, the first step towards initiating any positive change is recognizing your desire for change, understanding the specific change you seek, and comprehending why it is important to you. This is where self-love and the exploration of your own potential become crucial. After all, you are a unique individual, the only version of yourself that exists or ever will exist. If you fail to fully realize your highest potential, the entire universe is deprived of witnessing what you could become.

Despite the fact that the nuanced details of our physical bodies and lives undeniably reflect our beliefs and actions externally, it is remarkably common for us to possess a distorted perception of ourselves internally. Body dysmorphia, in fact, is increasingly prevalent due to the influence of social media, filters, and curated content. While our bodies may not lie, our eyes and the stories we tell ourselves about what we see certainly can.

Are you anchored through your heart? Chat GPT rewrite chapter 5.3c Anchoring

Once upon a time, in a village nestled amidst rolling hills, there lived a wise old woman named Maya. Maya was known for her serene presence and her ability to guide others in finding inner peace. One day, a troubled young man approached Maya seeking her guidance. He carried a heavy burden of anger, fear, and sorrow in his heart, preventing him from finding joy and contentment in life.

Maya invited the young man to sit with her by a flowing river. She spoke softly, “Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and place your hand over your heart.” As the young man followed her instructions, he felt the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath his palm. “Now,” Maya continued, “imagine your heart as an anchor, grounding you in the present moment. Feel the warmth and strength emanating from this sacred space within you.”

As the young man focused on his heart, he began to notice the gentle rise and fall of his breath and the soothing cadence of his heartbeat. The burdens that had weighed him down seemed to ease, and he felt a sense of calm wash over him. Maya explained, “In your heart lies a sanctuary, a place of stillness and compassion. By connecting with your heart, you can find solace and regulate your emotions. Allow your heart to guide you towards love, forgiveness, and acceptance.”

Over time, with Maya’s guidance, the young man practiced this heart-centered anchoring technique. He learned to listen to the wisdom of his heart and use it as a compass to navigate through life’s challenges. Through this practice, he discovered the transformative power of connecting to the present moment and regulating his emotions.

While this story may not be a well-known fable, it symbolizes the essence of using the heart as an anchor for emotional regulation. It teaches us the importance of tapping into our inner sanctuary, the heart, to find peace, compassion, and resilience in the face of adversity.

In fact, your body is the companion you can count on, staying with you through your entire lifetime. You will go through everything together, through the best and the worst of times. Learning to anchor yourself to and through your heart is a useful practice you can use anywhere, anytime you need to calm your energy and recenter yourself.

Every chakra in the body can be used as an anchor to connect to the present moment or to a specific quality of energy that you know you need more of to bring yourself back into a balanced and harmonious state.

To experience this heart-centered anchoring, find a quiet and comfortable place where you can sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath, allowing your body to relax with each exhale. Feel the weight of your body sinking into the support beneath you.

Now, bring your attention to your heart center, located in the middle of your chest. Place your hand gently over your heart, feeling the warmth and connection between your hand and your heart. Take a moment to notice the rhythm of your breath.

With each inhalation, imagine a soft, soothing light entering your body, filling you with tranquility. As you exhale, release any tension or stress, letting it dissolve into the space around you.

Envision a beautiful, radiant light emanating from your heart center. See this light expanding and spreading throughout your entire body, bathing every cell in its calming glow. Feel the warmth and peaceful energy permeating your being.

As you continue to breathe gently, allow your awareness to rest on the sensations in your heart center. Notice any subtle movements, pulsations, or gentle expansions as your heart beats in a steady rhythm. Let this awareness deepen your connection to your heart.

With each breath, imagine that you are drawing in love and compassion, filling your heart space with these nurturing qualities. Feel the love expanding and radiating from your heart, enveloping your entire being in its embrace. Allow yourself to receive and be nourished by this love.

As you stay present in your heart center, invite any emotions or feelings that arise to be acknowledged with kindness and acceptance. Imagine your heart as a sanctuary, a safe space to hold and honor these emotions. With each breath, offer yourself compassion and understanding.

Now, imagine that your heart is surrounded by a golden light, creating a protective and calming shield around you. This light acts as a filter, allowing in only love, peace, and serenity, while gently releasing any negativity or tension.

Take a few moments to simply be with your heart, feeling its wisdom and gentle guidance. Trust that within your heart lies the capacity for emotional balance and serenity.

When you are ready, slowly begin to bring your awareness back to your physical surroundings. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and take a deep breath, gradually reorienting yourself to the present moment.

Know that you can return to this heart-centered space whenever you need to anchor yourself in a calm emotional state. Carry the love and tranquility of your heart with you as you navigate your day.

Take a final deep breath, and when you’re ready, gently open your eyes, carrying the peace of your heart with you.