5 18 22 …updating…

I wrote a letter about 9 weeks ago, as my future self then, now my more recent former self…

It was dated May 1, 2022. Now it’s May 18th, and feel the last details syncing into place. The update is nearly complete. This update. Not the last one of course.

This is the song that never ends…

Now, I find my alignment more easily. I no longer look outside myself for calibration, except as it pertains to my own center. Apparently this is autistic of me. I think I might have suffered less if I had realized it sooner, and also, what is not, can not be. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet…

I think within three days, by the 21, which will be 9 weeks, I will indeed be upleveled…another layer shed, another mask painting and hung, another level of capacity to cultivate fun…

The virus moving through me is one of countless opportunities, to focus on wellness, light, love, acceptance, strength, letting go, allowing, love, love, love…

Dancing. Breathing. Smiling. Resting.

I took more ibuprofen today, even though it numbs, the pressure on my facial/cranial nerves from the tooth/gum infection combined with whatever this virus passing through is…made it seem like the more sound choice. All a work in progress. I trust myself again. More. I see humanity is mostly asleep, mostly wounded, mostly acting as they are programmed. It’s easy to forgive us. We are indeed children of consciousness. Consciousness is unfolding in and through us. We have a lot to grow into, not even counting infinite evolutionary potentials.

Excuses and reasons. A fine distinction. Egoic mind has a lot of reasons to explain why the story is useful, the story is not an excuse but a reason, which does somewhat excuse…life doesn’t excuse though, it simply acts in accordance with its own nature. Humans are predictably chaotic. One of my main missions has long been to soothe. Relax. Me and you. We can do more from a coherent state. Chaos is only useful when it has a container…the feminine held by the masculine. Safe. Powerful. Divine.

I still think I would do better with the right partner. I have done worse with many however…or…it seems that way from here fairly often. We never will know how the other timelines would have went…will we? Yes, yes. So fourth grade indeed.

Evening:

Better and better.

I’m back on a good track. I can only get back to it when I fall off, or fall further. I am getting good at identifying and naming, loving, alchemizing. This is how love grows.

I stand for my highest self, for our greatest good, for our collaborative adventures. I stand for potentials and progress and shaking things up. I stand for open discourse and questioning authority. I stand for quirks and quantum playgrounds and wrinkles in time. I stand for mystery and magic and majesty. I stand for evolution and iterations and asymmetry. I stand for beauty and truths and fluidity. I stand for the wild wild, the hunger, the satisfaction, the glistening eye. I stand for spark, for freshness, for new ways of seeing and being. I am here as space for the new paradigm to unfold in. I am a vessel of the void. I am the ing that causes and escapes the gap. The glitch in the matrix. The seed of dissonance which dissolves itself into clarity.

Pain is data. I am alive. Incoherence is destructive and only useful to break the pattern…even that…I can manage with much greater precision. I am re-inspired. Even more inspired. Inspired again. What a magnificent dance. What a wonderful song.

I feel clear even as my bones are inflammed and my teeth and head have been hurting for a long while. Sinus burn…passing through quickly though, and quite manageable. I am aware of how lucky I am. How I have been cultivating these gifts, unconsciously to a large degree, and yet, right on time.

I am sorry not to be working in Zuni, but can’t be too sorry, as I am super grateful to have this time to care for myself, process, catch up a bit, settle, regain some coherence, and get through some dentistry… I’m still healing, fending, mending, bleeding, renewing, transcending. I am a natural born leader. I am preparing to step up. Perhaps I am prepared. Perhaps I am already in front. I do not need to be seen like I did. I only need to see myself, love myself, trust myself, show up for myself. The ALL will come with me, because we are, I am, I can, I will…this will is strong. This will my mother finds offensive. This will shines in the darkness and looms in the sunlight. This will is a budding blossom a developing epiphany and quantum thread through everything. I draw you in. I draw myself back to the

Begin.